inspiration from michael jackson...who knew?

in early december, i found myself listening to michael jackson when "man in the mirror" started playing. though i don't usually find his lyrics to be a source of motivation, although PYT does tickle my insides, it resonated with an article i had read called, "30 things to stop doing to yourself."

in a nutshell, the article was a list of self-destructive behaviors we tend to habitually engage in, whether we realize it or not, that are preventing us from achieving maximum happiness and contentment in our lives.

the article did not suggest to stop drinking excessive alcohol or caring about the kardashians, so keep it up, but rather simple suggestions that seem ridiculously obvious for making ourselves better.

i'll be honest, i felt like total crap when i realized that i am pretty much guilty of all 30 of them. however, in re-reading the list, i realized that, for me, many of the suggested changes would happen naturally if i simply chose to make change number one.

1. "stop spending time with the wrong people."

its initial supporting statement is "life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of us." as i already stated, the obviousness that this recommendation oozes seems, well...obvious, yet when i read it the first time, its message seemed profound, fresh, and to be quite honest, something i never really knew was an option.

but why do we spend time with people who are draining to be with, complain about it to others, and then further agitate the wound be doing it again...and again...and again?

i think many of us find ourselves in the position that i did when i first read it, "i never knew it was an option." i mean, what most of us don't realize, myself included, is that we DO have a choice.

i have often used the excuse, "well, it makes me sad to not have that person in my life." it usually takes a good, honest friend with a very sarcastic tone to say, "you're right, you would be sad if you no longer had that self-absorbed, narcissistic, cynic in your life."

i hate when friends have to say that to me.

it seems interesting to me that in a country where we demand the right to choose everything from the appropriateness level of what our children wear to school to whether we want our fast food burgers fried or flame broiled, that many of us don't recognize, or exercise our right to choose with whom we spend our time.

someone asked me once if my ideological faith in others to always do good and be thoughtful and to consider everyone's feelings, ever leaves my spirit crushed. my response was a resounding,"yes, all the time and it's heart breaking." thinking that i would gain support for my undying optimism and hope in the human race, the response was quite shockingly the opposite "then why don't you stop setting yourself up like that?"

touche.

the point is that it's my own fault if i'm treated poorly or devalued by those i surround myself with. in other words, i forget, we, forget, that like vivian in "pretty woman," "i say who, i say when, i say...who!"

i think that many of us stay in relationships with the wrong people because like many alcoholics and drug addicts we think, "well, who will i hang out with then?"

as absurd as this seems, we make the same excuses too, but for some reason to us they don't seem nearly as pathetic. we have to learn to recognize our value and our choice to do something different, if we don't, then we need to stop complaining. OR, as the article says, "we need to learn to never, ever insist ourselves to someone who continuously overlooks our worth."

you hear that catye palomino? never, ever!

maybe i DO need to stop setting myself up to be hurt, not by becoming cynical and dark about everyone, but rather by recognizing whom i can trust and by choosing the right people with whom to share my life.

perhaps changing 30 things about ourselves is a bit overzealous, maybe start with just the first one, it's not easy, but i'm working on it. and if you find yourself doubting your strength, then be inspired by the words of the talented, yet creepy self-proclaimed king of pop, "make that change."

more to come...

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

i guess you're just what i needed

with a tendency to spend my thought energy under the assumption that the grass is always greener, my goal this summer has been to simplify my life and spend as much time as possible learning to appreciate and enjoy what i have right in front of me.

at the top of that list are my dear friends ben and trisha visel.

this past winter, i told them that i was looking forward to hanging out this summer. the very next week, i realized that my entire june had suddenly booked up. upon hearing this, they were not surprised and suggested that perhaps i would be able to squeeze them in sometime before school started again. i challenged their sarcasm by suggesting that i would hang out with them every day for the entire month of july.

they thought i was kidding.

as a result of this promise (read: threat) came the creation of what became known as "CALONINO DAYS!" as with the exception of only a day or two, which they continue to point out to me as a failure on my agreement, i spent time nearly every day during july with ben, trisha, and their four children.

at first it was ridiculous. trisha would say to the boys, "guess who's coming over today?" and without hesitation the 3-year-old would say, "calonino?" (as he affectionately refers to me realizing that it was much easier for him to say one name instead of two). or the time i dropped the boys off after i took them to the movies and the 5-year-old said, "see ya, tomorrow catye calomino."

i began to realize that not only was it a promise i had made, to let them know their value in my life, but that it was a joy every time i was with them.

though spending time with them included roughhousing with the boys and cuddling and feeding their newborn twin girls, which i loved, it was the love and friendship of ben and trisha that has fed my soul so much this summer and helped me rediscover my sense of value and worth.

in them i have observed...

a strong and beautiful wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, who challenges and encourages me, who effortlessly makes me laugh harder than almost anyone, who exemplifies loving her children, who frequently tells her husband how much she loves and values him, who has MY best in mind when it comes to offering advice, who recognizes all my quirks and loves me because of them, who listens carefully because she wants to know what drives, hurts, and motivates me. we enjoy each other and the energy i get from that is matchless.

a confident and passionate husband, father, son, brother, friend who asks about my life in order to know the essence of who i am, who enjoys movies and is willing to feed my desire to talk about them forever, who loves his wife and children and selflessly puts them before himself, who knows what to say to frustrate me, yet cares about me in doing so, who will make me a mix c.d. and will ask me how i enjoyed each individual song, who has made it his goal to understand and force me to overcome my unconventional food likes and dislikes. he and i enjoy conversation and we never run out of things to talk about.

after a busy, hectic, and exhausting start to the summer, this handsome and loving family, like an ice cold glass of lemonade, has been the perfect summertime treat.

more to come...

summertime and the livin' is... not as easy as you think.

september 6 will mark my 15th first day of school as a teacher. becoming a teacher, which originally was my back-up plan, has turned out to be life-changing, challenging and ultimately pretty frickin' awesome.

those that know me best will tell you that there are two times each year in which i struggle with my job the most. first, the beginning of the school year and second, the end. the energy required for such an emotional role changing swing and the recurring pattern of starting and stopping over and over again is exhausting and should help anyone understand why teachers need great insurance.

even though i am considered a veteran in my career, my friends still know to prepare themselves for the gradual anxiety and stress creeping back into my life a good month before i actually go back to work. i'm more competitive while playing boggle, i arrive at movies well before the previews and consider and reconsider my seat choice, and i find myself feeling i too should be getting ready for bed when friends are tucking in their three-year-olds.

yes, freedom and doing whatever i want seems to be slipping away, sure, but waking up at 10:00 a.m. and watching "the food network" all day versus reconnecting with the emotions required to interact with 850 demanding high school students and coworkers again, is harder than starting my car on a glacial michigan winter day.

in my experience it usually takes until around mid-october when i'm back in a routine and switched back on and can function like a normal person again, although some may argue that i never fully reach this level of functioning.

on the other hand, for me, the end of school is much, much worse. yes it's nice to not have to get up while it's still dark out and choose the right flip-flop and cargo pants combination, but, because i live by myself and have no other responsibilities, i go from excessively needy students and hecticness at the end of the school year, to days, if i choose, in which i interact or have contact with no one.

some may see this as a dream come true, but for someone like me, who thrives on the interaction with others, if i'm not careful and intentional about how i spend my time, i can plummet into a deep and dark depression, making it difficult for me or at times simply impossible to see the time off as rewarding.

in sociology i teach my students that when we have excessive interaction with the outside world, we desire, crave down time, in order to refocus and find ourselves again. conversely, when we spend too much time disconnected from others, we often reenter the social environment anxious, fearful and unstable.

just as many people work year round and are limited to vacation days, this emotional polarity is one of the considerations that teachers need to make when choosing our careers.

yes, we have time off in the summer, but it's not always simply a sigh of relief. for me, it's going from being valued, necessary and needed by my students one day, to a long struggle of finding that same significance in simply reading novels, napping, wearing tank tops and well, just being me.

this is my challenge.

inevitably someone will read this and say, "whatever...must be nice to be a teacher." my response: "IT IS...and you're welcome to join me, BUT not unless you are prepared to give more than they deserve, work harder than anyone will ever recognize, love kids that are often unlovable, take seriously the responsibility you have in being a role model, and are prepared to ride the emotional wave of a career that, if done right, WILL change your life."

more to come...

good riddance, JUNE

one month ago today, some of my dearest friends brought beautiful and perfectly healthy identical twin baby girls into this world. this, it seemed, was a sign of good things to come this summer.

unfortunately...nothing since then has been good.

in the last four weeks, numerous friends have received pink slips indicating the loss of their teaching jobs, one of my friends discovered that her boyfriend of almost a year had been cheating on her, a childhood friend was severely injured in a drunk driving accident, another friends' dad was vacationing with family one week and the next week diagnosed with bone cancer and given 6-12 months to live, and finally and closest to my heart, we received news from my brother that my sister-in-law had given birth to their 6th child. sadly, and very unexpectedly, the baby, a 6 lb., 2 oz. boy, was stillborn. his heart had stopped beating a day or two before he was born, as a result of his also unexpected down's syndrome. with broken hearts we cried, mourned, praised and celebrated the life and death of my nephew, daniel josue palomino.

in the midst of all this news i was able to travel the world, spend cherished time with family and enjoy a week serving as a staff member at an amazingly super cool summer camp. despite trudging through a month of deepest sorrows i realized, as it was happening, the blessings in all of this suffering.

all my friends had teaching jobs this past year, that relationship ended before they got engaged and married, my friend survived the drunk driving accident, a family got to spend many wonderful vacations together before they got the news of their dad's health, and despite the devastating loss of the youngest palomino, i realized that his death did not take away the five other beautiful and healthy children of my brother and sister-in-law and the endless joy they bring to our family.

THESE are blessings, we just didn't recognize them.

as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, i believe we experience sorrow as a slap in the face to wake up to the every day blessings that we so easily take for granted. as i was driving home from all of this travel, i realized how enviable my life is and the evidence is clear in what i've been given and how ridiculously wonderful the people are with whom i choose to share it.

my friends with the twins told me that as happy as they are each day to wake up to their beautiful baby girls, their hearts have been sad for those in their lives who are hurting. i told them that their girls were the hope of this month and at the very least the joy of life, man, TWO lives, was a reminder of the celebration that living is.

tonight i got to feed and cuddle those babies. as i did, i thought there should be a yankee candle called "hope" and it should smell like newborn baby.

more to come...

really?

do we seriously still need flight attendants to tell us how to buckle a seat belt?

more to come...

patriotic: read (awkward)...

so the other day a few of my friends and i went to the first game of the tigers-white sox doubleheader at comerica park in detroit. the afternoon consisted of predictable baseball game tomfoolery which included obnoxious fans booing the opposite team and me (opposite team lover), my friend inadvertently squirting taco sauce on the little boy in front of us and people going to all extremes in order to cool off in the blazing heat. eventually we switched seats and finished watching the game from the prime location of box seat level. the white sox won. hoorah.

we had so much fun, that we decided to stay for game two and immediately purchased bleacher seat tickets for the 7:00 game.

when we, with snacks in hand, arrived to our right field bleacher seats the ONLY person sitting in our section was what appeared to be a shaggy haired teenage boy in an old school tigers baseball cap reading the newspaper. the context clues alone should have led me to believe that this indeed was NOT a teenage boy. we thought nothing more of it, as we settled in and began waving down the beer and ice cream guys and socializing with others who began filtering into our section.

moments before the game began, the p.a. announcer invited the crowd to remove their hats and stand for the singing of the national anthem. we stood, turned around in all directions trying to locate the flag, completely oblivious to the turn of events that were about to change our night completely.

the music began, and suddenly, out of nowhere, we heard this ridiculously loud, off-key warbling of the national anthem from somewhere in our vacinity. not wanting to be disrespectful i lowered my head and shifted my eyes to the left only to realize that the shaggy haired teenage boy was actually an awkward middle-aged woman with pink socks, a detroit tigers lanyard and little kid sunglasses. she was singing so loudly, we couldn't even hear the ACTUAL singer. Kids and adults alike, not even trying to be subtle, were turning from every direction and staring at this woman as she belted out a version of the star spangled banner that not even francis scott key would recognize.

now i'm all for patriotism and respect, but THIS WAS AWKWARD. some of you may say, "well, i sing along to the national anthem at sporting events..." singing along, YES, but drawing attention to yourself like the pastor's wife in the third row at church with a disruptive and painful vibrato, is anything BUT, respectful.

as i stood there shifting my eyes like a mental patient at everyone looking in our direction, my first thought was "what the hell?" moments later, as the sit-com like feeling of the circumstances set in, i began thinking that the crowd might have thought that SHE was with us. as i stood there unsure of what to do, embarrassed for her and more importantly FOR ME, i couldn't help but notice the uncontrollable shaking of the shoulders of my two friends in front of me, as they appeared to be sharing my thoughts.

when it ended, it felt as if the entire stadium turned our direction. my friends were laughing uncontrollably and with no control over my own actions, i turned towards the front, looked around the crowd and began leading the dramatic clapping for section 141's american idol.

when we finally pulled ourselves together and sat back down, one of my friends leaned towards me and said, "these are the BEST seats in the house."

more to come...

the newspaper: a tragedy in mutilple acts

a couple of years ago i came to realize that i like to read the newspaper. ok, those people who know me would say it's a bit more than just that i "like" to read the newspaper, it's kind of a creepy obsession. i suppose i am kind of like an old man, in that i can't go to bed at night until i've had a scotch on the rocks and read the newspaper. ok, the scotch part isn't true, but the newspaper part is.

this behavior, i believe, is a result of a few variables. one, i grew up in a home with a cut-throat newspaper reading mom. seriously, she's the type that will have all the papers delivered after a vacation and read them ALL. in order. from front to back. yeah, she's THAT person. second, i like to know what's going on and you can only consider yourself "in the know" about current events from watching E! news daily for so long. finally, and probably most significantly, after overhearing many lunchtime conversations in which a particular co-worker would say, "did you see in the paper last night..." i began to recognize the tremendous respect i had for this co-worker because of her ability to so easily and confidently share her local news knowledge. THUS began my addiction to crack cocaine...wait, wrong blog, THUS began my addiction to reading the newspaper.

like most addicts, i have made getting my fix as easy as possible. it's delivered to my door daily. i love nothing more than to return home from a long, arduous day of educating the future leaders of our country, to find that it is waiting for me on the front step. ideally, i love to sit down right then to engage in the latest reports of afghanistan tragedies, budget cuts and lindsay lohan arrests, but lately, a recurring stick has been thrust into my wheel of idealism, convenience and newspaper enjoyment.

as is the case on occasion, for whatever reason sometimes the paper doesn't get delivered and with a simple call to the very personal and friendly automated telephone system, a replacement is quickly delivered. however, for me, the lack of paper on days when i'm expecting it followed by the the abundance of papers that appear when i'm NOT expecting them has lately reached a BP oil spill level of ridiculousness. therefore, i have found myself, in what is reaching the two week mark in a stand-off with the newspaper people waiting, along with my friends and family, to see what will happen next.

this problem first surfaced back in december when i left town for the holidays. as a frequent and responsible traveler, i always make arrangements for the newspaper and mail to be taken care of when i'm gone. in the past, i would call the newspaper and they would make note of my vacation days, stop the delivery of my paper and extend my subscription until i return. since december, however, the opposite has been happening.

i've made phone calls, i've filed complaints, i've spoken to the delivery kid, and yes, though i could very easily stop and pick up a paper on my way home AND though my neighbor has graciously offered to collect my stray papers if they appear when i'm gone, so the whole neighborhood doesn't know i'm out of town and break in and throw a rockin' party featuring my collection of late 90's c.d.'s, the point is that i'm paying for a service that i'm simply not getting.

though i haven't officially canceled my subscription although i've threatened to, consistently for the last two weeks, though i've been home, i have not received a paper. and for now, however, with spite as my motive, i refuse to go and buy one. some will say, "just read it online and get over yourself already," but part of my enjoyment of the whole ritual and what i am paying for is the smell of a fresh paper, the ink on my hands and the snap of the rubber band on the back of my hand as i unwrap it. i refuse to call and complain again. so each day, around newspaper delivery time i find myself anxiously awaiting, hiding by the front window just out of sight of the delivery kid, to see if he tosses a paper on my porch, cursing each day that he doesn't.

yesterday i woke up to find a crisp, rolled up new paper on my porch. when i stepped out to get it i quickly looked around to see if someone was playing a joke on me, an instinct i've learned from all my years of cartoon-watching, and it was no joke. i brought the paper in, read it, enjoying the headlines, the bargain corner and the jumble, confident i had won the stand-off. this morning, however, NO PAPER.

damn you local print media and the mind games you are playing with me.

more to come...