i guess you're just what i needed

with a tendency to spend my thought energy under the assumption that the grass is always greener, my goal this summer has been to simplify my life and spend as much time as possible learning to appreciate and enjoy what i have right in front of me.

at the top of that list are my dear friends ben and trisha visel.

this past winter, i told them that i was looking forward to hanging out this summer. the very next week, i realized that my entire june had suddenly booked up. upon hearing this, they were not surprised and suggested that perhaps i would be able to squeeze them in sometime before school started again. i challenged their sarcasm by suggesting that i would hang out with them every day for the entire month of july.

they thought i was kidding.

as a result of this promise (read: threat) came the creation of what became known as "CALONINO DAYS!" as with the exception of only a day or two, which they continue to point out to me as a failure on my agreement, i spent time nearly every day during july with ben, trisha, and their four children.

at first it was ridiculous. trisha would say to the boys, "guess who's coming over today?" and without hesitation the 3-year-old would say, "calonino?" (as he affectionately refers to me realizing that it was much easier for him to say one name instead of two). or the time i dropped the boys off after i took them to the movies and the 5-year-old said, "see ya, tomorrow catye calomino."

i began to realize that not only was it a promise i had made, to let them know their value in my life, but that it was a joy every time i was with them.

though spending time with them included roughhousing with the boys and cuddling and feeding their newborn twin girls, which i loved, it was the love and friendship of ben and trisha that has fed my soul so much this summer and helped me rediscover my sense of value and worth.

in them i have observed...

a strong and beautiful wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, who challenges and encourages me, who effortlessly makes me laugh harder than almost anyone, who exemplifies loving her children, who frequently tells her husband how much she loves and values him, who has MY best in mind when it comes to offering advice, who recognizes all my quirks and loves me because of them, who listens carefully because she wants to know what drives, hurts, and motivates me. we enjoy each other and the energy i get from that is matchless.

a confident and passionate husband, father, son, brother, friend who asks about my life in order to know the essence of who i am, who enjoys movies and is willing to feed my desire to talk about them forever, who loves his wife and children and selflessly puts them before himself, who knows what to say to frustrate me, yet cares about me in doing so, who will make me a mix c.d. and will ask me how i enjoyed each individual song, who has made it his goal to understand and force me to overcome my unconventional food likes and dislikes. he and i enjoy conversation and we never run out of things to talk about.

after a busy, hectic, and exhausting start to the summer, this handsome and loving family, like an ice cold glass of lemonade, has been the perfect summertime treat.

more to come...

summertime and the livin' is... not as easy as you think.

september 6 will mark my 15th first day of school as a teacher. becoming a teacher, which originally was my back-up plan, has turned out to be life-changing, challenging and ultimately pretty frickin' awesome.

those that know me best will tell you that there are two times each year in which i struggle with my job the most. first, the beginning of the school year and second, the end. the energy required for such an emotional role changing swing and the recurring pattern of starting and stopping over and over again is exhausting and should help anyone understand why teachers need great insurance.

even though i am considered a veteran in my career, my friends still know to prepare themselves for the gradual anxiety and stress creeping back into my life a good month before i actually go back to work. i'm more competitive while playing boggle, i arrive at movies well before the previews and consider and reconsider my seat choice, and i find myself feeling i too should be getting ready for bed when friends are tucking in their three-year-olds.

yes, freedom and doing whatever i want seems to be slipping away, sure, but waking up at 10:00 a.m. and watching "the food network" all day versus reconnecting with the emotions required to interact with 850 demanding high school students and coworkers again, is harder than starting my car on a glacial michigan winter day.

in my experience it usually takes until around mid-october when i'm back in a routine and switched back on and can function like a normal person again, although some may argue that i never fully reach this level of functioning.

on the other hand, for me, the end of school is much, much worse. yes it's nice to not have to get up while it's still dark out and choose the right flip-flop and cargo pants combination, but, because i live by myself and have no other responsibilities, i go from excessively needy students and hecticness at the end of the school year, to days, if i choose, in which i interact or have contact with no one.

some may see this as a dream come true, but for someone like me, who thrives on the interaction with others, if i'm not careful and intentional about how i spend my time, i can plummet into a deep and dark depression, making it difficult for me or at times simply impossible to see the time off as rewarding.

in sociology i teach my students that when we have excessive interaction with the outside world, we desire, crave down time, in order to refocus and find ourselves again. conversely, when we spend too much time disconnected from others, we often reenter the social environment anxious, fearful and unstable.

just as many people work year round and are limited to vacation days, this emotional polarity is one of the considerations that teachers need to make when choosing our careers.

yes, we have time off in the summer, but it's not always simply a sigh of relief. for me, it's going from being valued, necessary and needed by my students one day, to a long struggle of finding that same significance in simply reading novels, napping, wearing tank tops and well, just being me.

this is my challenge.

inevitably someone will read this and say, "whatever...must be nice to be a teacher." my response: "IT IS...and you're welcome to join me, BUT not unless you are prepared to give more than they deserve, work harder than anyone will ever recognize, love kids that are often unlovable, take seriously the responsibility you have in being a role model, and are prepared to ride the emotional wave of a career that, if done right, WILL change your life."

more to come...

good riddance, JUNE

one month ago today, some of my dearest friends brought beautiful and perfectly healthy identical twin baby girls into this world. this, it seemed, was a sign of good things to come this summer.

unfortunately...nothing since then has been good.

in the last four weeks, numerous friends have received pink slips indicating the loss of their teaching jobs, one of my friends discovered that her boyfriend of almost a year had been cheating on her, a childhood friend was severely injured in a drunk driving accident, another friends' dad was vacationing with family one week and the next week diagnosed with bone cancer and given 6-12 months to live, and finally and closest to my heart, we received news from my brother that my sister-in-law had given birth to their 6th child. sadly, and very unexpectedly, the baby, a 6 lb., 2 oz. boy, was stillborn. his heart had stopped beating a day or two before he was born, as a result of his also unexpected down's syndrome. with broken hearts we cried, mourned, praised and celebrated the life and death of my nephew, daniel josue palomino.

in the midst of all this news i was able to travel the world, spend cherished time with family and enjoy a week serving as a staff member at an amazingly super cool summer camp. despite trudging through a month of deepest sorrows i realized, as it was happening, the blessings in all of this suffering.

all my friends had teaching jobs this past year, that relationship ended before they got engaged and married, my friend survived the drunk driving accident, a family got to spend many wonderful vacations together before they got the news of their dad's health, and despite the devastating loss of the youngest palomino, i realized that his death did not take away the five other beautiful and healthy children of my brother and sister-in-law and the endless joy they bring to our family.

THESE are blessings, we just didn't recognize them.

as cheesy and cliche as it sounds, i believe we experience sorrow as a slap in the face to wake up to the every day blessings that we so easily take for granted. as i was driving home from all of this travel, i realized how enviable my life is and the evidence is clear in what i've been given and how ridiculously wonderful the people are with whom i choose to share it.

my friends with the twins told me that as happy as they are each day to wake up to their beautiful baby girls, their hearts have been sad for those in their lives who are hurting. i told them that their girls were the hope of this month and at the very least the joy of life, man, TWO lives, was a reminder of the celebration that living is.

tonight i got to feed and cuddle those babies. as i did, i thought there should be a yankee candle called "hope" and it should smell like newborn baby.

more to come...