inspiration from michael jackson...who knew?

in early december, i found myself listening to michael jackson when "man in the mirror" started playing. though i don't usually find his lyrics to be a source of motivation, although PYT does tickle my insides, it resonated with an article i had read called, "30 things to stop doing to yourself."

in a nutshell, the article was a list of self-destructive behaviors we tend to habitually engage in, whether we realize it or not, that are preventing us from achieving maximum happiness and contentment in our lives.

the article did not suggest to stop drinking excessive alcohol or caring about the kardashians, so keep it up, but rather simple suggestions that seem ridiculously obvious for making ourselves better.

i'll be honest, i felt like total crap when i realized that i am pretty much guilty of all 30 of them. however, in re-reading the list, i realized that, for me, many of the suggested changes would happen naturally if i simply chose to make change number one.

1. "stop spending time with the wrong people."

its initial supporting statement is "life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of us." as i already stated, the obviousness that this recommendation oozes seems, well...obvious, yet when i read it the first time, its message seemed profound, fresh, and to be quite honest, something i never really knew was an option.

but why do we spend time with people who are draining to be with, complain about it to others, and then further agitate the wound be doing it again...and again...and again?

i think many of us find ourselves in the position that i did when i first read it, "i never knew it was an option." i mean, what most of us don't realize, myself included, is that we DO have a choice.

i have often used the excuse, "well, it makes me sad to not have that person in my life." it usually takes a good, honest friend with a very sarcastic tone to say, "you're right, you would be sad if you no longer had that self-absorbed, narcissistic, cynic in your life."

i hate when friends have to say that to me.

it seems interesting to me that in a country where we demand the right to choose everything from the appropriateness level of what our children wear to school to whether we want our fast food burgers fried or flame broiled, that many of us don't recognize, or exercise our right to choose with whom we spend our time.

someone asked me once if my ideological faith in others to always do good and be thoughtful and to consider everyone's feelings, ever leaves my spirit crushed. my response was a resounding,"yes, all the time and it's heart breaking." thinking that i would gain support for my undying optimism and hope in the human race, the response was quite shockingly the opposite "then why don't you stop setting yourself up like that?"

touche.

the point is that it's my own fault if i'm treated poorly or devalued by those i surround myself with. in other words, i forget, we, forget, that like vivian in "pretty woman," "i say who, i say when, i say...who!"

i think that many of us stay in relationships with the wrong people because like many alcoholics and drug addicts we think, "well, who will i hang out with then?"

as absurd as this seems, we make the same excuses too, but for some reason to us they don't seem nearly as pathetic. we have to learn to recognize our value and our choice to do something different, if we don't, then we need to stop complaining. OR, as the article says, "we need to learn to never, ever insist ourselves to someone who continuously overlooks our worth."

you hear that catye palomino? never, ever!

maybe i DO need to stop setting myself up to be hurt, not by becoming cynical and dark about everyone, but rather by recognizing whom i can trust and by choosing the right people with whom to share my life.

perhaps changing 30 things about ourselves is a bit overzealous, maybe start with just the first one, it's not easy, but i'm working on it. and if you find yourself doubting your strength, then be inspired by the words of the talented, yet creepy self-proclaimed king of pop, "make that change."

more to come...

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/