homecoming...

so, i feel bad if you were lured by my title hoping to read about adventures of knit ties, wrist corsage's and slow dancing to "you're the inspiration"... because that's not the kind of homecoming i'm talking about.

forgive me for the unintentional bait and switch.

the homecoming, of which i refer, and which i celebrate has nothing to do with returning to campus, or visiting your old college bar haunts, or trying to figure out how to gently break it to your former college friends that as adults, you absolutely have nothing in common and could care less about how many steps keegan took last week....THIS is the homecoming of a son, a father, a husband, a friend and a brother...my brother....who has been serving in iraq and in ten days...he comes home.

jeff, my older and only sibling, is a JAG (judge advocate general) or lawyer for the united states air force. his job is to serve the legal needs of the military community on whichever base he is assigned to for a three year time period. his position has taken him and his family from chicago to england to oklahoma and texas. in his most recent assignment, jeff has been given a different opportunity. as the top litigator of his graduating military law class nine years ago, he was given the chance to return to the air force JAG school and teach military law to up and coming JAG's at maxwell air force base in montgomery, alabama. (kind of like top gun for those of you with a pop culture tooth) jeff, being charismatic, passionate and witty has been an excellent teacher and has razzle-dazzled his students for the last year and a half as he and his family have learned to adjust to the slow, laid-back pace of america's civil rights capitol. however, eight months ago we were shocked to hear that his "number had come up" to deploy to iraq for the war efforts. though in active military duty, we wondered what in his law school training qualified him to serve our country in the middle east.

for the last six months, he has been representing our country in its efforts to stabilize iraq. his job has been to work with other legal personel, as well as iraqi judges and lawyers and teach them how to try cases democratically...taking part in creating history, you could say. for six months we've called, e-mailed, worried, cried, supported, encouraged and prayed for him and his family as he has served in baghdad, the most dangerous place in the world, separated from his wife of fifteen years and their five young children.

as his only sibiling, i've documented all of his advenutres and filed away all his e-mails and have kept a visual reminder of each day he has been gone, counting down the days until his return.

the calendar today indicates that in TEN DAYS HE COMES HOME.

i raise my glass to all the troops that have served in this war effort... but to my brother, major jeffrey g. palomino of the united states air force, i'm proud of you, i love you and i can't wait to see you again.

old dogs & new tricks...

so, tonight while we enjoyed $5 footlongs at subway, after walking reed's lake, my friends katie and "katie's friend" trisha and i were talking about life and its sweet and savory moments. i pulled out my wallet to show them some pictures of the nieces and nephews, the parents, friends AND accidently a picture of an old flame that was hidden in the back.

katie, who i have been friends with for a few years, and who knows my story and the handful of tragically terse and unsuccessful romances i have had, boldly commented that it was time for me to get rid of that picture AND my comforting thoughts of the old flame, especially considering i was left broken-hearted and a wreck when it ended, and move on. "katie's friend" trisha then said, "yeah, it seems like you have a pattern of falling for the wrong people."

now don't get me wrong, you may think that i need to find some more supportive and optimistic friends. not true. i believe katie AND "katie's friend" trisha, though i've only known her for 30 seconds, genuinely care about me and with whom i share my heart. THIS is why their words, especially "katie's friend" trisha, who i've only spoken with a few times, could so clearly and accurately point out my tragic habit of looking for love in all the wrong places.

i DO keep looking for love in all the wrong places. the thing is, i'm not really looking when it happens to stumble into my life. which is why out of nowhere i'm smitten, taken, "in love" so quickly with a new, charming and amazing somebody. this becomes a problem because as i become so consumed with the possibility of a budding romance or the thought that "this could be the one," i frequently find myself in over my head, thinking the relationship is more than it is and finding myself carelessly ready to commit to someone who may not even be interested in anything more than a cup of coffee and some random and quirky conversation.

the process of percieving your own situation accurately is ridiculously and painfully difficult. in the sociology class i teach we study that often times we don't recognize our own behaviors in our every day life. usually it takes someone else to point them out. well for me, others have been pointing out my inability to do what's best for me when it comes to intimate relationships for a long time. why is it so hard to see? maybe because we don't want to appear selfish or we don't want anyone to actually seeing us being vulnerable...and to admit such may be just that.

the moral of this story is that at times i feel like an old dog who is incapable of learning new tricks. in other words, i'm doomed, destined for lonliness and devastation because i can't get this intimacy thing right. then at times i feel like an old dog who simply hasn't tried any new tricks because she's afraid of the unknown... and healthy or not, remains stuck in the "comfort" of her old tricks.

yeah, that's the kind of dog i am.

more to come...

palomino's anatomy...

oringinal posting, march 31, 2008

so, it turns out i’m not allergic to lettuce...or onions...or bbq sauce, three items which have been suspect over the last year. but rather my gall bladder was filled with golf ball size stones which were preventing me from digesting food like the average bear.

for the last year or so i regularly have had a hard time digesting food. as a result, after eating anything, not just the three honorable mentions, but anything, hours later it would still be sitting in my stomach sending me on regular trips to the bathroom to vomit out my dinnertime remains.

finally, one night as i tried to fall asleep i tossed around for three hours or so with an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach as if i had swallowed a hammer. after diagnosing myself with pancreatitis, or an inflamation of the pancreas, (thanks webMD) and reading the words LIFE THREATENING, i decided to drive myself to the emergency room. so i hopped in the car and made my way to the hospital.

(i remember listening to "prince" on the way there and thinking, ’do you really want prince to be remembered as your going to the emergency room soundtrack?’)

three hours later they, hot doctor number one and not-so-hot doctor number two, said, "your blood work indicates that your levels are four hundred times what they should be...you’re very sick....we’re admitting you to the hospital."

five days later....

i came home gall stone-free, pancreatitis-free, gall bladder-free, pain-free and pride-free (after wearing that risque gown around the whole time). as a result...a shout out to my peeps at spectrum’s blodgett campus in east grand rapids. dr. lovell, dr. mohr, dr. chang, dr. elliott and HOT dr. taylor... it’s amazing how one’s quality of life improves, and the frequency of vomiting, once a diseased organ is removed from the body.

alas, the moral of my medical story ...BBQ SAUCE IS STILL GOOD.

so...

original posting, march 7, 2008

...i think i'm allergic to lettuce.

my horoscope...

so today i was reading "the onion." if you're not familiar with "the onion" you need to be. theonion.com

it's a weekly source of news, mostly made-up, and ridiculous from the genious minds of people like me.

my horoscope, scorpio, for those of you keeping score at home, for the week was...
"losing your job to a machine is never easy, but being replaced by the common office stapler will prove especially difficult."

news like this is especially hard when you're not expecting it. monster.com here i come....

random...

so the other day i had breakfast with my friend jason. the food was good, the conversation even better and all in all, a very pleasant, yet uneventful saturday greasy breakfast morning.

as we were leaving, we stood chit-chatting in the parking lot before we both got into our respective cars and drove off into the sunset.

as we stood there, two of my high school students that i know drove by us in the parking lot. as they realized who it was standing there, they backed-up their car right by us and rolled down the window and waved and screamed at us like crazy people. then they drove away.

moments later, while still talking in the parking lot, the same car had merely circled around the restaurant and drove by us again. this time as they passed by, they rolled the window down just enough to squeeze a fist out and toss a dented empy moutain dew can at us. then they drove away.

as we said our goodbyes, i realized the same car was coming at us YET again. this time as i attempted to throw the can back at their car, they rolled the window down just slightly again... and the next thing i knew, a brand new, completely packaged colgate toothbrush was being hurled at us.

then they left the parking lot and drove off down the street.

more to come...

the pissed off dad...

so, my typical sunday morning routine consists of going to church on the west side of town, and then stoping at the fancy-schmancy grocery store by there, so i can avoid gunshots and crack deals at the one closer to my house. today was no different.

though i walked in only needing to buy a gallon of milk (on sale 2 for $5.00), i found myself in the check-out line with what turned out to be about $37.00 worth of other purchases.

since the store recently added "self checkout lanes" for purchases of more than 10 items, i find if the right people know how to use this process, it is much more efficient. unfortunately, today was not the day i got in line behind a young dad and his kid who appeared to have any freaking clue what was going on.

as i waited patiently while the dad scanned all of his 14-15 items, i glanced around to notice that indeed this was the shortest line. by the time i looked back at my lane, the dad was running his credit card through and i was feeling good about my lane choice (dont' act like you don't do this too).

as i stepped up to the register, the dad pulled his cart with 2-year-old son down to the end by his purchases and slowly began bagging them. i thought for a second that i should wait until all of his stuff was bagged and out of the way, but then when i realized that he was letting the 2-year-old help him, & that it was going to take forever....like when i see a yellow stop light, i proceeded with caution. now don't get me wrong, i have nieces and nephews and i'm all for letting the kid help and learn to be a big boy or big girl, but there are certain times and places when that SHOULDN'T happen. for example, on the airplane as everyone is anxiously awaiting their turn to get out of the suffocating death grip of still, stale air... or in this case, when the line is growing at the grocery store and customers have ice cream melting in their carts (breyer's also on sale 2 for $5).

i didn't see a divider to separate his stuff from mine, so i carefully noted what was my first item and began scanning. the next thing i know one by one, each of my purchases were being picked up and thrown down on the conveyer belt. at first glace out of the corner of my eye, i assumed it was the 2-year-old that was accidently picking my stuff up and throwing it, but when i turned i noticed the gallon of milk being shoved to the side and then my squeezeable mayonaise being slammed on top of my potato chips. i looked up at the dad as he yanked his cart around and as he walked away he looked at me and said "fucking bitch!!"

i assumed that his frustration stemmed from my groceries bumping into his....and although i had said, "hey...i couldn't find a divider, but my stuff starts with that cereal box," clearly the contact of my kellogg's fruit and yogurt cereal up against his last package of pizza rolls, warranted the name-calling...clearly and vociferiously in front of the 2-year-old.

it's funny, because though i was first stunned and a bit confused as to what just happened, i couldn't help but think of the irony of the situation. irony in that i had just come from church where i heard a teaching about grumbling and complaining and that some people think life is a sprint, and react as if every little moment of irritation is monumental in our lives, rather than realizing life is a marathon, and that in the big picture, stuff like being cut off in traffic or someone rushing us at the grocery store is minimal when we realize how much we've been blessed.

so, mr. mom with 2-year-old who swore at me when for a moment i apparently ruined your life with my seemingly selfish behavior....if i ever see you again, the lunchables are on me.

more to come...

cartoon opposites...

so, a few years ago i invented a new word....cartoon opposites.

yes, we are all familiar with what an opposite is, especially if we have recently watched any episodes of "sesame street," but a cartoon opposite is something to be applied differently.

cartoon opposite is more than just an opposite, in fact, it is so ridiculously opposite that only the image of a cartoon... extremely tall man vs. extremely short man, extremely large eyes vs. extremely small eyes can summarize just how dramatically opposite these two things are.

i invented this word when i was describing the difference between a new friend in my life and myself. she was tall, blonde, blue-eyed, demure and shy. yes, indeed, she and i were "cartoon opposites."

another word i've invented is the word "badvocate."

a badvocate is someone who is really freakin' good at fighting for their rights, beliefs and convictions, yes, sounds like advocate, but becomes BADvocate because their rights, beliefs and convictions are the "cartoon opposite" of what YOU actually believe in.

more to come...

reading books and stuff...

so recently i did something that i never thought was part of the paradigm i had in my head of who i am and the kinds of things i would do. after a month or so of perseverance and the frequent contemplation of doing so, i decided to stop reading a book half way through and returned it to the library. though obviously this behavior isn't life-altering, i still was shocked to discover that i was the kind of person who would abandon a book before i finished it.

this behavior troubles me for a few reasons.

first, only within the last four years have i really become what i would call "a reader." those of you who know me know that due to my fun-sized attention span and the fact that my mind is always racing between topics such as what i'm going to have for lunch and how funny it would be to see fish play little tiny band instruments, i seem to be incapable of sitting still long enough to actually concentrate, let alone enjoy reading something other than who was spotted at starbucks in US weekly. so, now that i am a skilled reader, as i can't seem to lose this addiction i've given in to, the thought of not being able to complete a book, simply because it no longer captures my interest, leads me to think that this may be a sign that i could be veering down the "non-reader" path again. honestly, i get images of charley from "flowers for algernon" and how he begins to recognize signs that the neurological procedure he had which made him smarter, is beginning to wear off....that cartoon opposite behavior frightens me, and more importantly, i like that others see me as "one who reads..."

second, not too long ago, a close friend of mine shared with me that one word she always uses to describe me is loyal. loyalty, according to dictionary.com, means faithful to one's commitments, oaths or obligations. now i realize that deciding that a book no longer holds my attention and that indeed, forcing myself to continue reading it IS a waste of time, is insignificant to my reputation as being loyal, but i would be lying if i said it didn't cross my mind...perhaps that's why i struggled with my decision for so long.

the interesting thing in all of this, is that not only am i a recent reader, but these days i find myself reading two different books at once, not simultaneously, although, i'm sure if i could do that, i would definitely get to be a guest on "rachael ray," but rather, at night, before i go to bed, i keep track of not only giving myself enough time to read one book before i turn off the lights, but enough time to read a little bit from both books on my nightstand. i think i speak for everyone who knew me growing up when i say...WHO AM I?

maybe worrying about loyalty and abandoning the craft of reading isn't as big of a problem as i think....and perhaps i should just shift my focus on getting a life instead.

more to come...

strange currencies...

so this morning after being out and about running errands, i came home and unloaded a few grocery items from the car into their new and correct kitchen locations. tim, my new roommate who lives upstairs, was on his computer, stephanie, his wife and other new roommate who lives upstairs, was making homemade carrot-bran muffins.

as i was putting things away, we were joking how, their food... organic, healthy and locally produced, was very easy to identify from my food... processed, simple, and crap containing, in the fridge. we joked about it because before they moved in my fridge pretty much had, "pepsi and pudding," according to stephanie. this, sadly, is true.

as i was putting stuff away, i told stephanie that the main reason I always have such limited food in the fridge and around the house is because i have a huge fear and weak stomach when it comes to food going bad. (AND...cue the number of experiences i had as a child innocently opening what i thought was a butter tub containing butter, only to find "about to turn" stuffing from three weeks prior...insert gagging sounds...). this is also why i fear leftovers. in other words, if it's not in there, it can't go bad. therefore if i DO eat at home, which is rarely, i'll buy whatever i eat, fresh that day and fix it up, like a salad or some meat to grill, eat it and be done with it. very european of me.

stephanie then pointed out that with her knowledge of the food industry, as she's been a writer for a non-profit organization that deals with how food processing and the food industry work, that her feelings are the opposite. she has a huge fear and weak stomach when it comes to food that DOESN't go bad. her point was that if food doesn't go bad, (like a burrito tim left under the passenger seat in our friend burts' truck. the thing was there at least a month and when it was discovered, looked pristinely untouched, as if it was fresh from the kitchen.) it is overly processed with additives and preservatives and other unnatural stuff to keep it that way. thinking of that made me think of how dead bodies get embalmed. though the body is merely a shell, and when it's preserved, it's a shell that looks pretty frickin' great as it is prepared to go 6-feet under, but to preserve it in that state, or prevent it from decaying, essentially, is unnatural. yeah, i guess food shouldn't be like that.

i'm always learning new things; especially now that i have social issue-minded roommates. they know a lot about stuff like that. maybe i should pay attention, because chances are good that swiss miss and diet pepsi are going to fail me eventually.

man, you can't trust anyone, any more.

more to come...

new year’s resolution...

original post january 1, 2008

so, recently i was hanging out with some friends and my one friend SR says, "hey what ever happened to your friend what's his name...that kid who was always drinking orange juice?"

as she spoke i realized that her recognition of my friend DT, who was indeed always drinking orange juice and who slips in and out of my life on a regular basis, simply because that's how he rolls, was based solely on some quality about him that stood out as being "so him," in this case drinking orange juice.

we all have friends who we describe as "that kid who is always wearing a hoody...or always talking about his lawn...or always riding a uni-cycle..." anyway, i decided i wanted to be that person in other people's lives.
therefore my resolution for 2008 is to chew more gum and be "that friend of yours, you know, the one who is always chewing gum...."

thus, my contribution to the betterment of society in 08....or should i say, better-MINT?

more to come...

jerk-face

original posting december 22, 2007

so recently i was at a christmas party....

while poker and meatball eating were going on at one table....."taboo" and lots of laughter were going on at my table. though for the others that were at my table the tears and pants-wetting came simply as a result of the hilarious nature of the game of "taboo"(if you've never played it, it's a riot), but for me, my amusement came from the fact that a girl, whom i had never met before, though my age....frequently abused the word "JERK-FACE" when she got frustrated at her teammates.

as i was falling asleep that night i again was bombarded with the weight of the world on my mind....but added to that was the very simple thought, "it's a rare thing in 2007 to be hanging out with adults and hear someone call someone else a JERK-FACE....i love that" then i smiled and fell right asleep.

more to come...

benjamin jeffrey palomino

original posting december 12, 2007

my nephew ben was born four years ago today at altus air force base in altus, oklahoma.
he is the fourth of my brothers' five kids, the youngest son. when he was a baby, his older brother, jordan, wanted to give him a nickname...he said he wanted to choose something tough, but the best he could come up with was "benny blueberry"......which we recognized was far from tough, but we loved it anyway and have since shortened it to benny b.

though i love all five of them, messy hair, soap in their eyes, syrupy kisses and all...benny and i have a special connection. first, i tell him all the time that he and i are in the "cool birthday club" since his birthday is 12-12 and mine is 11-11.but also, a couple of years ago, as i was filling out one of those on-line survey things, you know where 3 is the last person you talked to on the phone, 5 is the person you're thinking about, etc. anyway, one of my responses was my nephew ben. as the answers were revealed, it identified that the response to 7, where i had written ben's name, indicated that that person was "my lucky star...." so i've always secretly thought of benny as my lucky star.

so, the other day i got the christmas letter my brother and his family send out every year. each of his children had a quote of the year listed, something funny or charming they had said. ben's quote was in reference to his 1-year-old little sister, isabela. he said, "mommy, sometimes i like isabela and sometimes i don't." coming from the mouth of a 4-year-old, his comments are amusing...as sometimes, his baby sister is cute and cuddly and other times she meddles too much with his legos and matchbox cars. but what i love most about what he said is the pure honesty in his words.

you know, in reality, there are many times in my life when sometimes i like the people i care most about and but sometimes i don't like them. but as an adult, if i were to say that, it would sound mean. but come on, it's true, there are times when my favorite thing to do is be around the people i love and other times when i'd rather die a slow and painful death. my point….THAT'S ok, it doesn't mean we don't still love them…..but it's unrealistic to think we like them ALL the time, but only four-year-old's have the smarts to say it out loud.

so, to those of you closest to me…..in the words of benny blueberry…."sometimes i like you and sometimes i don't…." but no matter what i still love you.

more to come...

david sedaris, karen and amanda r...

in the last couple of years i've become insanely obsessed with reading anything i can get my hands on. the realization of this came as quite a surprise to me because until about two years ago the only books i had read contained, "the berenstein bears" in the title.

one of the author's that i've grown to love is a humorist named david sedaris. i first became aware of him when i heard him speak on "this american life" on national public radio (NPR to those of us who have no life...) then when i found out he had written several books about his quirky family and growing up experiences, i went to the library and checked out any book of his that was available.

about three months ago my neighbor, we'll call her "karen,"... because that's actually her name...
(...but makes me consider for a moment folks who write in to 'dear abby' and identify their husbands or girlfriends or children as "chet" or "shirley"...do the quotations mean that's not their real name? and if so, then how did they come to the conclusion of using "chet" or "shirley" instead..)...ANYWAY, so "karen" said to me, "hey, did you hear david sedaris is coming to the frauenthal in muskegon to speak in october?" karen is really an avid reader, as opposed to me this fraud walking around pretending to know what i'm talking about, and we've discussed sedaris' work on previous occasions.

upon hearing this i immedately thought of my friend amanda r., or green ford focus, as karen knows her as. because friends and random people are always coming and going from my house, she only knows who i'm talking about based on what car they drive. amanda r. and i share a quirky and bizarre appreciation of life and have also on many occasions discussed our appreciation of david sedaris. so i got tickets for us to go and last night was the big event.

as we were parking in downtown muskegon we realized that there was also a "muskegon fury" hockey game going on at the same time around the corner....not that we consider ourselves snooty-snoots or intellectuals by any means, but we were very amused at the ridiculous difference of fan bases between the finely manicured goatee and wine-drinking crowds arriving to hear an NPR award-winning author, versus foam-finger sporting, baseball helmet with beer can holders crowd going to the hockey game. it looked a bit like a modern twist on a civil war re-enactment.

sedaris was hilarious and a good time was had by all. ironically, in the 2000 seat theatre "karen" the neighbor and her friends sat directly across the aisle from us.

on our ride home, amanda r. and i re-hashed his exceptionally witty moments and agreed that we couldn't wait to read his next book. it was also during this time that as we were driving i noticed that the dashboard clock said "9:12" and the radio station we happend to be listening to was "91.2." i said....'hey look at that,' as i made a jerking motion with my head towards the dashboard. amanda r. said, "this is one of the things i love about you....your appreciation of things like that."

we both laughed and it was at that moment i was grateful for an evening with my friend filled with intellectual opportunity and silly every day nonsense.....because that pretty much sums up my life.

more to come...

welcome...

for those of you new to " the moped diaries," let me explain.

as a result of my growing hate for myspace, i've decided to transfer my blogs to their very own blogspot. "the moped diaries" began as a kitchy little idea for sharing my summer moped adventures. as a high school teacher, my students wishes are my commands, and reading about my adventures was their dream come true.

in reading "the moped diaries," you will read from the beginning, in which the moped purchase was merely a dream....as you continue reading from end to beginning, ultimately, you'll share its demise. you MUST read to understand.

as a result, these were previously written blogs, but in a new and more convenient package.

more to come.

the end of a season...

so, considering the weather is about to turn, as my grandma would say, i'm retiring the moped for the season.

yes, i know i've officially only been riding it for 30 seconds or so, BUT, it's time to store it for the winter and re-think its opening come spring 2008. it would be an understatment to say that things can only get better.

so needless to say, this would put an end to my blog for a good 6-7 months, at least where i live, if i simply continued only journaling about my moped adventures. one can only make "the moped continues to be in storage.." fun and exciting for so long.

under the encouragement of some acquaintences i was given the "go-ahead" to write about adventures that live outside of the topic of the moped.

therefore....be prepared to have your minds blown AND to recognize the depths of my inner brain workings which unbeknownst to me, until recently have led me to my "weirdo" reputation. when i'm told that my actions or comments are "weird," which happens quite frequently, i'm often quick to follow it with the question of 'in a cool way or a creepy way?'

usually the lack of response leaves me all too sure that that mystery has yet to be solved.

more to come...

all i ever wanted...

so last night i experienced what i've been dreaming of since the moment i brought the moped home from minnesota.

i was sitting around last night watching backed-up tivo shows when i suddenly remembered that i had forgotten to get the one thing i needed to get over the weekend.

now there have been some rumors floating around as to what exactly i needed to get....i have heard that it was aspirin...band-aids....gum....and stickers. i'm not sure what that means when people are suddenly fascinated by what it is that necessitated my immediate purchase, and i'm flattered that the teeny-bopper rumormill actually made it back to me, BUT, the truth is i did need stickers. i know that it is a bit far-fecthced to imagine any scenario in which one would desperately need to buy stickers, but, this, without revealing too much of my suspicious personal life, was one of those moments.

being that it was beautiful last night, i quickly thought i would walk to the CVS on the corner and pick up that lamest, cheapest, crappiest stickers i could until i had time to actually go to a real sticker gettin' place. THEN...i remembered that the moped indeed, was running and that i could hop on it and give it a shot.

my whole goal in getting the moped was 1) to enjoy the outdoors a bit more without having to actually walk anywhere 2) save on gas money 3) help the environment... and most importantly 4) zip here and there whilst others envy my sweet life.

so i hopped on, started it up immediately, drove to the CVS, made my sticker purchase, smiley faces...lame as predicted....hopped on the bike, rode home and was back on the couch within 10 minutes.

THIS, as i unintentionally quote classic n'sync, was all i ever wanted.

more to come...

two become one...

so the other day my friend KC came over to hang out. being that the moped had recently been back in business, as we laughed and joked about this and that, i quickly thought how much fun it would be to take her for a ride around the neighborhood....so i said, "hey, i have a surprise for you." i opened the garage door and we went outside. i had her close her eyes and i got on the bike and rolled it out to the driveway. i said "ok..you can open them now." she said, "pal, i've seen your moped before." and i said, "i know but today you're going for a ride."

after talking about the adventures we could have, she agreed, although she was scared and told me that 73 times. i told her she could her wear the helmet, since i had my protective bandana on my head. i started up the bike, it only took two trips down the driveway, and she hopped on the back. after awkwardly putting her hands a million different places, so as to appear cool and not afraid at all. i said, "just put them around my waist already!" so she latched on and off we flew.

now the thing to know is that when just one person is riding, the bike goes only about 35 mph, with two people, we were cruising at 25 mph down the busy streets of my neighborhood.
with every turn KC screamed like she was a 2-year-old watching "the shining" and with every bump she complained that her crotch was never going to be the same. we cut through the grocery store parking lot and headed up the road to the cemetary where we could ride care-free and where i knew no one there would complain about our snail's pace.

we did that for awhile and decided to head back to my house so KC could learn to walk again. as we cruised down the side roads, again people passing us looked at us as if we were walking down the street on our hands. who knew the moped with backseat rider was such an attraction?
we got home, KC got off and walked around the driveway like a post-rodeo cowboy as i whipped around a bit on my own.

we then went inside, split a diet pepsi and relived our little adventure on the moped and promised to do it again soon.

hours later, KC called me and complained that she could still feel the vibration of the bike in her crotch.

more to come...

team batavus...

so, every wednesday night i have "community" time with newlywed's tim and stephanie and wedding date burt. basically this time is spent talking about a book we're reading together and then sharing our nonsense and loving each other anyway. this past wednesday they came over, we ate pizza, (well, wedding date burt, my friend who likes fishing and hunting and movies that blow lots of things up, ate sushi...hmmmm...yeah?) and discussed briefly. then all four of us headed outside to work on the BAT-mobile.

within the hour tim had screwed and unscrewed stuff, pulled 15 different random tools out of his three-tool-box set (impressive) and burt had mixed the gasoline and oil together and we were ready to give it a shot.

at this point it was about 9:00 p.m. and growing chillier by the moment. in fact stephanie sat on the lawn watching the process with her sweatshirt on and hood up looking homeless and a bit resentful of the attention the batvus was demanding.

for the next 20 minutes burt, stephanie and i stood in my drive-way while time peddled the thing up and down my street trying to get it started. (this took me back to many a summer day when i had unsuccessfully tried the same thing in the blazing heat of summer.) finally tim said to me, "why don't you try it, since you actually know how to start it when it is working..." so i got on and immediately got the motor rumbling, but couldn't keep it going.

we all decided that watching someone ride a moped when the motor is running is amusing, but watching someone ride it by just pedaling is flat out hilarious!!

after 15 more minutes of this, while tim was on it, we finally heard the sound we'd been waiting for....the engine turned, the motor started, the headlight came on and off tim flew down the street.

next it was my turn. as i got on and slowly cruised down the driveway, i thought i could see tears in tim's eyes as he celebrated like a proud father, my joyous first-ride after all the blood, sweat and tears he had put into it. i'm not gonna lie...it was a frickin' AWESOME!
next it was stephanie's turn. though she was cautious at first, she eventually tore out of there fast like the wind. when she returned HER first words were "THIS BIKE IS SWEET!!" (which immediately and thankfully erased the homeless stephanie in my mind from earlier)
then tim and stephanie got on it together to tandom ride. again, i'm not gonna lie....seeing one person riding is hilarious...seeing two people on this tiny motorcycle is like watching a grizzly bear ride a tricycle at the circus. so, so, funny!!

as the night grew colder and the hours grew later we cheered and rode for about a half an hour. i'm sure my neighbors were thinking...'she didn't ride the thing all summer and now, at 10:00 on a school night, she's out there screaming and hollering as if none of us have to get up and work for a living.'

although he was extremely encouraging and supportive, burt opted not to ride. his reasoning was a painful childhood memory of riding his friends' mini bike as a kid and crashing and breaking it so no one else could ride it. he didn't want to be the culprit of that kind of thing again because he said he would never hear the end of it. that's probably true, though we're supporting you, burton, as you heal that emotional scar of childhood.

in the end...all i can say is team batavus ROCKS!!

moer to come...

newlywed tim...

so, on wednesday night newlywed tim called me and said that he had done some reseach on the 1980 batavus regencey and that he was coming over to look at the moped. "finally," he said, "let's figure out what's wrong with this thing and get you riding it before frostbite sets in."

he came over, we chit-chatted, wheeled the bike out of my garage and then he proceeded to give it a meticulous once-over to see what he could find. i brought him a bottle of water, some towels for working and kneeling on and left him, a kid in a candy store, to tinker around with the bike, that he himself declared as "awesome."

a good hour and a half later, i had lost myself in iTunes... i mean studying for graduate school, and didn't realize how long he had been out in the driveway. suddenly i heard him in the kitchen washing his hands. he told me that he had spent most of the last hour or so checking all the parts to see what exactly was missing, before we (as if i had anything to do with the process) could move forward with diagnosing the problem, much less fixing it. then he said throttle a few times, rubber sealant at least once and gas tank. he then told me he was taking the filter and tank with him and declared he would return in a week or so after more research.

i then offered to buy him ice cream for his time and so we walked a couple of blocks to the local ice cream dive in my neighborhood. as we sat eating our sundaes, we talked of mopeds, life, and the good feeling of having people in each other's lives to share, laugh, enjoy, support and care for one another during times of family distress as in his case or moped distress as in my case.

we returned home, i thanked him again, wished him well and off he drove into the crisp night air.
i realized after spending quality time with newlywed tim that moped or not, he and his wife, newlywed stephanie, also my friend, who was on the west coast at the time comforting another friend in distress, are good people.....and those, you don't come across every day. hopefully you know their type, big smiles and even bigger hearts.

THAT is newlywed tim....my personal moped mechanic and friend.

more to come...

the fix-it crew...

so last night my friends newlywed tim and wedding date burt came over to check out the moped. while their housemate newlywed stephanie is out of town i lured them over with mexican food and an action movie. (works every time)

as the garage door opened to reveal the idled moped, seeing it for the first time tim said, "that thing is sweet!" those words instantly catapulted me back just a mere four months ago when i too laid eyes on her for the first time. (sigh)

we pulled it out of the garage and he began his inspection. while he crawled around on the ground taking close-ups and wiggling parts, burt threw in his two-cents while i stood there feeling for the first time in months that i may actually get to ride this thing at some point.

after throwing around big words like carburator and rust he then said, "this thing is in great shape...we should have it running in no time." i love newlywed tim, so positive and optimistic. he then said that he would need to do some research and would try to come back over sometime this week to spend some quality time with it.

so we rolled her back into the garage, got in the car and drove off into the sunset with nothing but fajitas and big-screen blood and guts on our minds.

more to come...

the end of an era...

so, you have probably been waiting on the edge of your seat to hear the result of the smack-down with opie on friday....well it didn't happen. he never called me back so office supplies mark and i didn't go. boy, did we sure show him!

i called yet again this morning indicating that absolutely today would be the day i would be coming in to get the bike! i figured that a two week blue collar vacation was pushing it and that he should definitely be back in the shop by now. within minutes of leaving the message my phone vibrated and the caller i.d. said, "opie's motorsports..." i answered it, cheery as ever, and said "hello?" opie apologized for being out of town and that he had just gotten my messages today. he would be expecting me any time to stop by and get it today, however, the bike wasn't yet fixed...."we've been busy," he said. he also indicated that there would be no charge for the lack of repairs he had done on the bike in the six and a half weeks he had had it.

so i recruited my friend KC and her big bad truck to drive me to the shop to get the bike. her kindness in taking me was noted and rewarded handsomely afterwards with a three-cheese quesedilla hot pocket.

we arrived at opies to find the BAT-mobile sitting right outside the garage. sitting on top of the seat was its gas tank which had previously been attached and a side cover that contained a handful of nuts and bolts and pieces that didn't get put back on. opie loaded the bike into the truck, handed me the gas tank and the side cover full of its goodies. i reached for his hand, shook it, thanked him, wished him the best and walked away as both of us silently hoped that we'd never have to see each other again. i got in the car, looked at the side cover in my hand with essential bike parts in it, then looked at KC and said, "THIS is never a good sign."

i decided to check in with a few mechanical wizards i happened to have in my back pocket and hopefully between my friends moped army joel and newlywed tim we can get the thing fixed and running sometime while the michigan temperatures are still above zero.

if not, hopefully we can at least get the pieces back together and i can sell the frickin' thing and buy myself something more reliable like a pony.

more to come...

the 411...

so i was in denver, colorado recently visiting some friends. in addition to the myriad of organic grocery stores, croc wearers and potheads, denver also boasts a large population of folks who ride scooters and mopeds. needless to say seeing all those carefree riders with their dreadlocks and hemp clothing whipping in the wind as their bikes zoomed past me, reminded me of the reality of my moped situation.

here's the truth about what has happened. i have called and left opie 5 phone messages in the last week and a half. i have neither heard from him nor felt any sense of relief that this nightmare may actually come to an end. seriously, i have left message after message telling him to call me. having been out of town for the last few weeks, i wasn't able to actually go to his shop and see what the dealio is.

some of my friends have suggested that perhaps opie now recognizes my phone number on his caller i.d. and is simply not answering because he doesn't have it ready. this could be true, but eventually i'm going to find out...right?

so this is what i decided to do....i have requested that my friend office supplies mark go with me to opie's shop at the end of the week. his presence will be helpful for two reasons, 1) he can drive his truck and we can more easily transport the bike that way and 2) though he's a fun-sized guy (small, as in the candybars) he's got more muscles that bulge from his body than pretty much anybody else i know. in other words, he's hot cuz he's fly, i ain't cuz im not.

yes, yes, i feel weak in selling out to the "man" by taking along a "male" simply to show opie that he can't avoid me any more and that he can't bully me any longer, but honestly, that's the reality of the world and it's more legal than taking an automatic weapon. also, office supplies mark will know better how to verbally abuse opie if necessary. i've heard him throwdown the customer service girl at DTE and believe you me, it wasn't pretty.

so today's opie message was, "hey...it's me (he pretty much recognizes my voice by now) i'm frustrated....you haven't called me back...my friend mark and i are coming to get the bike on friday, whether it's done or not........(almost hang up) that's THIS friday.......!!"

more to come...

a warning...

so, tonight as i frantically licked the swiftly melting ice cream off my hand (mmmm raspberry chocolate chip...raspberry is my flavor of choice these days) and listened very meticulously to the heart-felt, personal thoughts my friend was sharing about relationships and other things in life that sometimes suck, my mind couldn't help but think that tomorrow to the very day, opie will have had the moped for FIVE weeks.

granted i've been out of the country, out of the state, or simply out of commission for four of those weeks, i couldn't help but get a bit melancholy when i realized that since i bought the thing, opie has had the BAT-mobile in his possession longer than i have.

naievely, and looking for a little sympathy, when i mentioned that to my parents on the phone today, my dad simply said, "what we get and what we want are often two very different things." i sarcastically thanked him for his condescending words and then pointed out that i was no longer 12 and asking for a strawberry shortcake lunchbox ...but rather i simply wanted my moped back.

upon being released from the wallow of self pity....i picked myself up, hosed myself off and decided right then, no matter what's at stake now, no matter how much it costs, opie and his moped-possessing ways are DEAD TO ME!!

p.s. i can't wait to see if he finally calls me tomorrow.

more to come...

an epiphany...

so yesterday as i was enjoying my enviable life by laying on the couch, eating golden grahams right out of the box and watching vh-1's "scott baio is 45 and single," i came to a few conclusions worth mentioning...

1) my life is sweet and i may just do online crossword puzzles for the rest of the day to celebrate it.

2) what is more pathetic? scott baio being 45 and single....?? or me watching scott baio being 45 and single....??

3) i'm never going to see my moped again.

you know how in "home alone" (and of course i'm talking about the first one, fools, it's the only one whose existence is worth acknowledging) when the "wet bandits" finally realize what's been going on at the mcallister household and joe pesci's character says to daniel stern's character, "i think we're bein' scammed by a kindy-gart'ner."? well, i think i'm being scammed by an opie..."

more to come...

new friends and a new attitude...

so you might be wondering why the moped diaries have been lacking lately. well, one reason is that the moped is still with opie. more importantly, i´ve been out of the country. (just some silly CIA witness protection situation) BUT, tomorrow i´m back in the good ol US of A.

while here i´ve met some super cool people, many of whom are amused by the moped diaries. unfortunately, though, they think my name is shirley watson and that my life revolves around my bowling league obligations in fon du lac, wisconsin.

regardless, i have a new attitude about life and the moped. and despite the fact that i was stopped by security when i left the country because i was armed with a large bottle of shampoo, i´m ready to head back to the states...(and for those í´ve just met, hopefully bowl a turkey or two this week)

more to come...

back to rehab...

no, i have no inside scoop on lindsay lohan or any of the other frequent offenders of the bottle....however, the rehab i'm talking about is the kind that cares for mopeds.

yes, after the incident the other day, i can no longer go on riding or in my case, pushing, the BAT-mobile, nor can it be the summer of the moped until my precious gem is healed and running once and for all.

i know you are probably thinking, 'isn't that why you took it to opie in the first place?' yes, indeed, the answer would be yes, however, it seems my understanding of "fix it" and his understanding of "fix it" appear to be different. when i said, "hey, can you fix my moped?" and he said, "yeah, i can fix your moped," something was lost in the translation.

you also may be thinking, 'why would you take it back to him when you've already paid him $300 to fix it and it is clearly not fixed...what are you some sort of chump?' though your support is appreciated, unfortunately after approximately 17 calls in the greater kent county area, no one, NO ONE, services old school mopeds. no one that is, except opie, the moped guy.
it does sadden me that so far, the summer of the moped has been underwhelming or as some might say SUCKY, but i trust that this time, or any of the next five times, it will get fixed and i'll be riding off into the sunset at a full on 30 mph.

my goal....one, just one, refreshing worry free ride around the block, even if it's after our thanksgiving dinner

more to come...

the ride from hell...

so i decided to ride the moped over to visit with my friend grandville amy...who...lives...in...grandville.

ok...so my biggest nightmare in thinking about riding the thing has not been crashing or following rules or anything like that, but rather that the bike would not function properly and i would look foolish in the middle of a busy street as a result. yesterday, that nightmare became a reality.
now, i can appreciate the more humorous things in life that seem tragic to those that are experiencing them, but frickin' hilarious to everyone else, but yesterday's drama never once crossed my mind as funny, although i'm sure anyone who saw me enjoyed pure delight at my expense.

i chose to take as many back roads as i could to get to grandville so i could avoid lots of traffic. unfortunately, at some point i did have to cross 28th street. i approached the stop light at a less busy intersection and as i rolled to stop behind the escalade in front of me, the motor on the BAT-mobile just shut down. recognizing immediately that this was my hell, i stayed on the bike, and quickly yanked the thing up on the curb off the street in front of a gas station. the sucky thing about restarting the bike is that you have to pedal it like a bike (it is a moPED), hold the clutch, the choke and slowly give it gas to go. so here i am on this tiny motorcylce, pedaling like crazy (it's like pedaling a stationary bike before you adjust it to any speed or incline...very easy to pedal, but very fast, so fast that your legs can hardly keep up) trying desperately not to draw too much attention to myself and praying no one i knew saw me. fortunately i got it started right away and pulled onto the street and as the light turned yellow i speeded through across the intersection.

i thought i was out of trouble, as the streets cleared and it was just me and the moped. but as i rode down the street gradually giving it more and more gas, the speed started dropping and i could tell that the bike was dying again. after three or four times of restarting the thing, my shirt soaked with sweat, being out of breath from the insane pedaling, and only a mile into the trip, i decided to abort the mission and go back home.

again i had to cross 28th street and panicked at the thought of the bike dying again if i slowed down too much. so i kept a good distance behind the other cars on the road and just drove in small circles behind them, like some sort of crappy parade exhibition, until the light turned green and i could proceed without stopping. however, as soon as i got across it died again. again, another four or sevety-three attempts to restart the bike, which included me walking the bike while on it over and over again to get out of the way of other cars and pedaling like a mad man to restart it and i felt like i was going to pass out from dehydration and exhaustion.

once i got it going and could finally see my house, my exhaustion kicked in and my head started tingling, i saw stars in my vision and my hearing went from normal to that high-pitched sound you hear just before you pass out. i had to stop the bike (no problem doing that) or i knew i was going to pass out. i laid it on the side of the road, took off my helmet and with mad sweat dripping from every part of my body, i laid on the grass for a good fifteen minutes trying to regain my sanity.

so an hour into the journey and two blocks from my house, i finally called grandville amy and said i would not be making it over, and that i might not even make it out this stranger's yard. though she had sympathy, she also couldn't stop laughing at the thought of how ridiculously hilarious i probably looked.

i finally made it home, (to which my neighbor said, that was a quick trip) parked the thing in the garage, came inside, guzzled at least a gallon of water and laid on the kitchen floor cooling myself off and contemplating what i should do next with the moped from hell.

more to come...

good news and bad news...

the good news, i successfully rode the BAT-mobile approximately 3.5 miles to the dentist today without error. the bad news, one of my teeth is dying, i told you something was wrong, and i have to go back tomorrow for a root canal.

the ride was successful. i'm not gonna lie, i was nervous riding out on real roads with real traffic and stop signs and stuff for the first time. i successfully stopped when i was supposed to and better yet, without killing the engine and looking foolish. i just kept reminding myself that i know how to drive a car, and that has four wheels to worry about, this two wheeled vehicle should be cake.

a few observations i made whilst riding among the other commuters:

ONE, people seem fascinated at the idea of one riding a moped. i mean people were staring at me as if i was riding down burton street on a unicorn. i just looked straight ahead and was thankful that i had my helmet and sunglasses on so no one would recognize me at this novice, inexperienced stage of moped-ing.

SECOND, the moped doesn't take off from a stopped position very quickly, thus annoying the crap out of whomever is behind me, as well as throwing me into a stage of panic as i worry that it won't start.

FINALLY, my bike doesn't have turn signals so i need to learn the bicycle hand signals in order to make sure i indicate appropriately when i'm turning, so as to avoid getting hit by some lackidasical driver and shattered into a million pieces. because that would suck big time and definitely bring the summer of the moped to a screaching halt.

i've made some arrangements to ride the moped to visit with some friends tomorrow, pre-root canal, thus more adventures to come..... as for now, i celebrate a successful and purposeful venture on the bike with some club crackers and today's crossword. life is good...

more to come...

THE FLAGSHIP RIDE...

i'll be honest, it didn't start off well, in fact i again struggled to get the bike started knowing this time that the problem was me and not the newly tuned up bike. for a good forty minutes i tried starting it in my driveway and up and down the street in front of my house.

since most people work during the day, it was safe to display my ridiculousness with little scrutiny, save the two little chinese girls next door rolling around on their front lawn. we looked at each other in silence knowing full well that we had both been caught in a state of foolishness, silly 2-year-olds. eventually i gave up...sweaty, blistered and out of breath. it's exhausting pedaling a bike that goes nowhere.

today, with a little advice from my pal black-eyed joel, i got it started and flew like the wind up and down my deadend street. after about 10 minutes of this, i realized that riding up and down the street in front of my house for hours was not the reason i bought the moped, AND, uncertain if i would ever get the thing started again, i decided to make this initial ride worth it.
i ventured out, hoping at each stop sign that the bike wouldn't die, and weaved around the charming streets of my quaint neighborhood. as i three times passed the same lady and grandma pushing a stroller, figured i should changes routes, lest they thought i was stalking them.

i drove down the streets catching the eyes of people walking or working in their yards. i just wanted an open space to zoom around and get used to riding, so i made my way down to the neighborhood cemetary. with paved roads throughout and no one there, well, at least no one that would be bothered, i rode up and down the hills with my helmet and sunglasses on as sweat poured down the sides of my face and all down my back. riding so carefree reminded me of when my dad taught me how to drive a stick shift car on the back country roads of central illinois. at one point i raised my right fist and shook it with pride at my accomplishment and to honor the dead who didn't even know they were sharing this with me.

exhausted and in desperate need of a shower, i rode home, pulled into the garage, stopped the engine, took off my helmet and sat there with a sweaty head and throbbing blisters as i inhaled the sweet aroma of the tiny lawnmower engine as my new ride settled down for a much-deserved rest.

more to come...

things to do today...

1) unwrap and put on new moped helmet.
2) go to my dentist and have all my teeth pulled out if that's what will make me feel better.
3) go to the library and pick up book on hold.
4) look at some books in the kid section (hoping to not look too creepy as the adult by herself in th kid section) and pick cool ones for the nieces and nephews.
5) go to the chiropracter and pay him $80 to beat the crap out of me.
6) PICK UP THE MOPED FROM OPIE. (insert your own andy griffith show joke here)
7) watch back episodes of "the next food network star."
8) be witty and charming with my dinner dates.
9) brush my teeth, put on my pajamas, crawl into bed and turn off the light.
10) turn the light back on, take off the moped helmet, turn the light back off.

more to come...

a call from GOD...

so yesterday, while i was in the middle of an emergency visit to my parents' dentist, (story for another time) my phone vibrated and though i couldn't answer it, due to a strangers' hands in my mouth and blood dripping everywhere, it was a call from OPIE THE MOPED GUY, as indicated by the caller i.d. this was the message..."hey..this is josh from opie's, your bike is runnin' great and ready to be picked up anytime." need i say more....?

more to come...

the moped army...

a few weeks ago i received an unsolicited message from a black-eyed guy named "joel." he told me that he had seen my myspace and that he was someone i was going to want to know, being that i'm down with mopeds and all. he told me that he was the president of the local grand rapids chapter of the moped army. the moped army, unbeknownst to me, is a national organization that recognizes and encourages one wacky and inexplicible love of the moped. so far my moped romance had merely been folly, but joel tells me that it's justified and there's a group of people right here in grand rapids that would love to meet me, hang out with me and talk about our mutual love of mopeds. he told me they meet every monday night at a bar on the north side of downtown, have a drink and chit-chat and then go for a ride around the city and that THEY would welcome my attendance. at this, i looked beyond the wolves that had raised me and realized that this may indeed be my real family.

so last monday i joined up with the moped army to see what this hoopla was all about. i showed up, recognized joel and his healing black-eye immediately and took a seat by the blonde-curly headed girl eating a happy meal. i was greeted by several of the members, ranging in age and occupation from a hip young factory worker comic book lover to a fashion designer with a perfect nose, as i suggested to her, who was a recent import from kalamazoo. the first question one asks you, in my post-collegiate years of experience, typically is where to do you work. i was expecting this, but actually had a chance to tell no one of my current career pursuit, because the only thing they were concerned about was what kind of bike i rode. though i knew it was a 1980 batavus...that was pretty much where my knowledge subsided. i realized immediately that in this setting of oberon, leather jackets, and war stories of repair jobs on the highway, it was ME that was the geek because i currently had no moped (damn you opie and your inefficiency) to ride, let alone awesome stories of heoric rides through the hills of kentucky. i decided to take the role of furtive observer, something i'm not accustomed to doing, sit back and take it all in.

when they got on their bikes i stood there watching them like a 10-year-old at a cheetah girls concert, watching, waiting and knowing that something magical could happen at any moment. they wished me well, invited me to come back again when my bike was ready, and hopped on an ecclectic variety of old-school mopeds and rode off like a pack of tough-guys into the west michigan sunset.

more to come...

opie the moped guy...

so i called around town trying to find a bike shop that would service my 1980 beauty. after about seven calls i finally reached someone who knew someone who could fix her up good as new. upon writing down the number to call, i then asked the guy whom i should ask for when i called the number.....he said, "you're gonna ask for opie." currently the bike has been with "opie" for about two weeks....with new spark plugs, new tires and an all around tune-up, the BAT-mobile is well on its way to being my main source of transportation this summer.

more to come...

"office supplies" mark

so my friend "office supplies" mark told me to bring the BAT-mobile over and he would take a look at it. i trusted his knowledge of fixing stuff since he had replaced my kitchen faucet for me. plus he owns every tool imaginable, including his very own metal engraver....whereas i own a screwdriver....yeah, i think that's a screwdriver in my watergun drawer at home. anyway, so i loaded the thing into the small backseat of my car, which clearly was not designed for moped transportation, held my breath in order to avoid inhaling the gasoline odor that was pouring out of the bike and headed to his house.

mark got out his tools, hammered this and hammered that, tightened this and tightened that, and just like that he had the thing running. "office supplies" mark, that mechanical genius. he started it up and took her for a spin. though upon seeing the bike for the first time mark was quick to scoff and toss smarmy laughter my way, as he hot-rodded through the neighborhood i caught him totally digging it. once he came back his kids were begging for a ride. he took each of his older sons for a ride and they too had the time of their lives. finally, amy, "office supplies" marks' wife, decided it was her turn so she hopped on the back and they wowed the neighbors with their two-person on one bike riding finesse. their youngest son, 18 months old, was upset at the obvious fun he was missing out on, so they loaded him on in front of mark while amy held onto him from behind mark. IMPRESSIVE! all they needed to do now was to zoom around inside a large metal ball while spectators ate nachos and mountain dew and we'd have ourselves a circus.

once they got back i decided it was my turn. i hopped on and cautiously cruised up the hill by their house, zipped around the block and with the wind blowing in my hair and my flip flops secured on the pedals, i coasted back to their driveway. i was pleased with the swiftness the BAT-mobile provided considering i was only going 30 mph. i stopped the bike, turned off the engine and told mark to show me again how he started it so i wouldn't look like a fool, any more than i already would, once i ventured out and about. as he put his foot on the kick-start and turned the throttle to start it, something snapped and the bike completely died. after a brief investigation mark identified that the throttle valve (whatever that is) had come unattached and the piece that connected the value was now missing. we searched the area for a bit and then realized it was a worthless cause.

i thanked "office supplies" mark for his help, told the boys i'd let them ride it again another time, loaded her back into my car and pondered the next move in leading me to my first summer on the moped.

more to come...

sweat and blisters...

though the title of this entry would make a sweet name for a local garage band...or just another family reunion theme...alas...it is neither. so i took the weekend to venture out for the first time and show my stuff around my neighborhood, the dutch ghetto, as it's known. despite my enthusiasm, passion and determination to roll with confidence, it took only a mere 27 minute inability to start the BAT-mobile before i threw in the towl a dejected and listless fool with sweat dripping everywhere and a trio of blisters on my throttle hand. i rolled her back into the garage and with shaky hands and sticky arms and legs laid on the driveway considering my next move... AND hoping none of the neighbors were watching...

more to come...

the land of 10,000 lakes...

over spring break while basking in the sun and dreaming of champagne wishes and caviar dreams with my friends in mexico i realized that life is too short to sit around and wait for it to happen. so i decided to grab the bull by the horns....no, i didn't commit to joining the peace corps for two years, or opt to learn mandarin chinese just for kicks, i decided to enjoy the outdoors more and adventure through the summer on a new bicycle....after i quickly realized that i hate riding bicycles influenced by the memory of my brother dodge-balling me with a basketball while i was riding a bike at age 12, which caused my shoelace to get caught in the spokes and my foot to get eaten and my leg to crushed as my bike fell over on me...i thought now, as the adult, i control my own destiny and chose the sweet retro-ness of an old school pedal start moped, with which to enjoy the summer of 2007....

i wasn't sure what to expect when i rolled into roseville, minnesota to pick up the bike, but i certainly wasn't expecting my salesman to be a 13-year-old 7th grader named jazz. i said, "are you steve?" (the guy i had been cooresponding with...) he said, "no, that's my dad, but i'm not old enough to have my own e-bay site." suddenly the teacher became the student.....we walked into the his garage, jazz, my new 13-year-old best friend and me, and there she was my 1980 black batavus moped with working lights, horn and a backseat luggage rack that could hold anybody's star wars lunchbox. jazz started her up for me and off i rode into the sunset....well, 1/2 a block until i narrowly missed the neighbors' gnome lawn ornament and figured it was best to save my motor-cross moves for my home turf. i gave jazz a check, we loaded the BAT-mobile into the car, we shook hands, then he went inside to study his spelling words and i drove away with nothing but an old school motor bike and a pocketful of dreams....

more to come...

life changes...

lately i find myself livin' la vida loca more than usual...hey, i'm not getting any younger (or am i?...someone did suggest that lake michigan was the fountain of youth and i've found myself doused in its fresh water goodness plenty...hmmm...i have been watching an awful lot of cartoons lately and not just the adult swim.....thoughts for later) anyway, so in purchasing the moped i feel i've stepped into a new stage of life, a stage that includes mopeds. in all seriousness i loved her the moment i laid eyes on her and the best part, she loved me too.

more to come...