reading books and stuff...

so recently i did something that i never thought was part of the paradigm i had in my head of who i am and the kinds of things i would do. after a month or so of perseverance and the frequent contemplation of doing so, i decided to stop reading a book half way through and returned it to the library. though obviously this behavior isn't life-altering, i still was shocked to discover that i was the kind of person who would abandon a book before i finished it.

this behavior troubles me for a few reasons.

first, only within the last four years have i really become what i would call "a reader." those of you who know me know that due to my fun-sized attention span and the fact that my mind is always racing between topics such as what i'm going to have for lunch and how funny it would be to see fish play little tiny band instruments, i seem to be incapable of sitting still long enough to actually concentrate, let alone enjoy reading something other than who was spotted at starbucks in US weekly. so, now that i am a skilled reader, as i can't seem to lose this addiction i've given in to, the thought of not being able to complete a book, simply because it no longer captures my interest, leads me to think that this may be a sign that i could be veering down the "non-reader" path again. honestly, i get images of charley from "flowers for algernon" and how he begins to recognize signs that the neurological procedure he had which made him smarter, is beginning to wear off....that cartoon opposite behavior frightens me, and more importantly, i like that others see me as "one who reads..."

second, not too long ago, a close friend of mine shared with me that one word she always uses to describe me is loyal. loyalty, according to dictionary.com, means faithful to one's commitments, oaths or obligations. now i realize that deciding that a book no longer holds my attention and that indeed, forcing myself to continue reading it IS a waste of time, is insignificant to my reputation as being loyal, but i would be lying if i said it didn't cross my mind...perhaps that's why i struggled with my decision for so long.

the interesting thing in all of this, is that not only am i a recent reader, but these days i find myself reading two different books at once, not simultaneously, although, i'm sure if i could do that, i would definitely get to be a guest on "rachael ray," but rather, at night, before i go to bed, i keep track of not only giving myself enough time to read one book before i turn off the lights, but enough time to read a little bit from both books on my nightstand. i think i speak for everyone who knew me growing up when i say...WHO AM I?

maybe worrying about loyalty and abandoning the craft of reading isn't as big of a problem as i think....and perhaps i should just shift my focus on getting a life instead.

more to come...