patriotic: read (awkward)...

so the other day a few of my friends and i went to the first game of the tigers-white sox doubleheader at comerica park in detroit. the afternoon consisted of predictable baseball game tomfoolery which included obnoxious fans booing the opposite team and me (opposite team lover), my friend inadvertently squirting taco sauce on the little boy in front of us and people going to all extremes in order to cool off in the blazing heat. eventually we switched seats and finished watching the game from the prime location of box seat level. the white sox won. hoorah.

we had so much fun, that we decided to stay for game two and immediately purchased bleacher seat tickets for the 7:00 game.

when we, with snacks in hand, arrived to our right field bleacher seats the ONLY person sitting in our section was what appeared to be a shaggy haired teenage boy in an old school tigers baseball cap reading the newspaper. the context clues alone should have led me to believe that this indeed was NOT a teenage boy. we thought nothing more of it, as we settled in and began waving down the beer and ice cream guys and socializing with others who began filtering into our section.

moments before the game began, the p.a. announcer invited the crowd to remove their hats and stand for the singing of the national anthem. we stood, turned around in all directions trying to locate the flag, completely oblivious to the turn of events that were about to change our night completely.

the music began, and suddenly, out of nowhere, we heard this ridiculously loud, off-key warbling of the national anthem from somewhere in our vacinity. not wanting to be disrespectful i lowered my head and shifted my eyes to the left only to realize that the shaggy haired teenage boy was actually an awkward middle-aged woman with pink socks, a detroit tigers lanyard and little kid sunglasses. she was singing so loudly, we couldn't even hear the ACTUAL singer. Kids and adults alike, not even trying to be subtle, were turning from every direction and staring at this woman as she belted out a version of the star spangled banner that not even francis scott key would recognize.

now i'm all for patriotism and respect, but THIS WAS AWKWARD. some of you may say, "well, i sing along to the national anthem at sporting events..." singing along, YES, but drawing attention to yourself like the pastor's wife in the third row at church with a disruptive and painful vibrato, is anything BUT, respectful.

as i stood there shifting my eyes like a mental patient at everyone looking in our direction, my first thought was "what the hell?" moments later, as the sit-com like feeling of the circumstances set in, i began thinking that the crowd might have thought that SHE was with us. as i stood there unsure of what to do, embarrassed for her and more importantly FOR ME, i couldn't help but notice the uncontrollable shaking of the shoulders of my two friends in front of me, as they appeared to be sharing my thoughts.

when it ended, it felt as if the entire stadium turned our direction. my friends were laughing uncontrollably and with no control over my own actions, i turned towards the front, looked around the crowd and began leading the dramatic clapping for section 141's american idol.

when we finally pulled ourselves together and sat back down, one of my friends leaned towards me and said, "these are the BEST seats in the house."

more to come...