summertime and the livin' is... not as easy as you think.

september 6 will mark my 15th first day of school as a teacher. becoming a teacher, which originally was my back-up plan, has turned out to be life-changing, challenging and ultimately pretty frickin' awesome.

those that know me best will tell you that there are two times each year in which i struggle with my job the most. first, the beginning of the school year and second, the end. the energy required for such an emotional role changing swing and the recurring pattern of starting and stopping over and over again is exhausting and should help anyone understand why teachers need great insurance.

even though i am considered a veteran in my career, my friends still know to prepare themselves for the gradual anxiety and stress creeping back into my life a good month before i actually go back to work. i'm more competitive while playing boggle, i arrive at movies well before the previews and consider and reconsider my seat choice, and i find myself feeling i too should be getting ready for bed when friends are tucking in their three-year-olds.

yes, freedom and doing whatever i want seems to be slipping away, sure, but waking up at 10:00 a.m. and watching "the food network" all day versus reconnecting with the emotions required to interact with 850 demanding high school students and coworkers again, is harder than starting my car on a glacial michigan winter day.

in my experience it usually takes until around mid-october when i'm back in a routine and switched back on and can function like a normal person again, although some may argue that i never fully reach this level of functioning.

on the other hand, for me, the end of school is much, much worse. yes it's nice to not have to get up while it's still dark out and choose the right flip-flop and cargo pants combination, but, because i live by myself and have no other responsibilities, i go from excessively needy students and hecticness at the end of the school year, to days, if i choose, in which i interact or have contact with no one.

some may see this as a dream come true, but for someone like me, who thrives on the interaction with others, if i'm not careful and intentional about how i spend my time, i can plummet into a deep and dark depression, making it difficult for me or at times simply impossible to see the time off as rewarding.

in sociology i teach my students that when we have excessive interaction with the outside world, we desire, crave down time, in order to refocus and find ourselves again. conversely, when we spend too much time disconnected from others, we often reenter the social environment anxious, fearful and unstable.

just as many people work year round and are limited to vacation days, this emotional polarity is one of the considerations that teachers need to make when choosing our careers.

yes, we have time off in the summer, but it's not always simply a sigh of relief. for me, it's going from being valued, necessary and needed by my students one day, to a long struggle of finding that same significance in simply reading novels, napping, wearing tank tops and well, just being me.

this is my challenge.

inevitably someone will read this and say, "whatever...must be nice to be a teacher." my response: "IT IS...and you're welcome to join me, BUT not unless you are prepared to give more than they deserve, work harder than anyone will ever recognize, love kids that are often unlovable, take seriously the responsibility you have in being a role model, and are prepared to ride the emotional wave of a career that, if done right, WILL change your life."

more to come...